Making new memories

Tonight, I'm posting from our new trailer.  I bought it six weeks ago, but we were waiting until the warmer weather set in to give it a test run.

I wanted to find a way to travel with all the kids in relative comfort without breaking the bank.  I had always been interested in camping while enjoying the comfort of air conditioning and avoiding the hassle of setting up and breaking camp every day.  I never slept well when tent camping, and generally had a miserable experience.  I had plenty of experience camping in the Boy Scouts even backpacking through the mountains of New Mexico several times.  So I can camp out under the most primitive conditions, but I would much rather enjoy air conditioning with a refrigerator full of cold drinks.

This summer, we are planning a month long road trip to Florida.  With this trailer, we can travel without paying through the nose for hotels, or have to fight through airports.  We will be traveling to Key West, and spending a few days at Disney World.  I am looking forward to scuba diving with Clint and Laura, visiting Cape Canaveral, the Everglades, and many other spots.

I told myself last year that we would not stop enjoying the wonderful blessings that God has given us.  Things may be more difficult handling 5 kids by myself but I'm not going to deny my kids the opportunity to see the USA.  Sarah wouldn't have wanted me to.

I have a teenager!

I've left this blog unattended for the past few months and there has been a lot going on.

Today is Clint's 13th birthday, he is officially a teenager now.

We celebrated his birthday this evening with my parents, and my sister in law and her kids who were both passing through Ft Worth at the same time.  I bought Clint a .22 rifle for his birthday and I took him to the gun range to test it out, then had him help me out on a couple of chores this afternoon.

I still remember so many details about that morning.  I remember Sarah waking me up after only a couple hours sleep and telling me it's time to go to the hospital.  I remember loading her into the car and having her growl at me to "hurry up" in the midst of a contraction.  I remember discovering that "oh wow" is nurse code for "Oh Shit!"  I remember how fast everything happened.  I remember rocking Clint and the only song I could think to hum was the Marine Hymn.  I remember Sarah being wheeled out of the labor and delivery room and hearing another family saying "hey, they just got here!"  I remember the last time I ever spoke to my Grandma who died the next morning.

We have had four more kids since then but Clint is our oldest.  I honestly can't think of any life experience as surreal as having your first child.  I distinctly remember loading up Sarah and Clint at the hospital and thinking "this is all a mistake, someone is going to leap out and stop me."  The day after we left the hospital, we flew to Wichita to attend Grandma Bowersox's funeral.  The first time my parents saw Clint was at the now closed airline terminal at Wichita's airport.

Becoming a mother was one of Sarah's two major life goals, and I am so proud to have been a part of it.

Childcare

Last week, our Nanny who had helped us watch the kids for the past two years finished her grad school and moved out of town.  The kids absolutely loved her, she was always willing to work whenever she was needed, she helped out around the house, and provided some much needed stability after Sarah died.

Allie told me back in September that she would be moving on at the end of November, and that was a factor in my decision to resign from my job at Careflite.  I remarked that I have to replace her, but she is in fact irreplaceable.  Is it strange that I'm mourning the loss of our babysitter almost as much as my wife?

After several weeks, and interviewing half a dozen potential caregivers, we finally found a young woman who was willing to take on the challenge of our big crazy family.

Last Shift/Last Flight

I worked my last shift at CareFlite yesterday.

I really enjoyed this job and the people I worked with.  Having the job of flying sick patients home to recover or to a hospital where they can get specialized treatment gave me a feeling of accomplishment.  The sense that I was flying to support something meaningful purpose.

Most of the time, the job is boring as can be.  Sitting around waiting for flights that usually didn't happen, working out at the gym if I felt motivated, watching TV if I wasn't.  Many weeks, the highlight was washing the airplane on Saturday morning.

The company has been very considerate of my situation.  I have been working a part time schedule over the past three months, but they need someone who can work full time.  We are also loosing our babysitter who has been watching the kids overnight when I was at work.

My last month on the job, I flew several trips.  My last flight was transporting a stroke victim home to Lubbock.

I hope to return to this kind of work someday.

Holidays

The holidays are going to be tough this year.  That's a simple fact. Our first set of holidays without Sarah are going to bring quite a few sad memories.  We had already gotten through Sarah's birthday

We celebrated Thanksgiving at Sarah's brother's home near Shreveport.  The kids really enjoyed sharing time with the cousins and our dog enjoyed exploring their property.  I got to catch up with my in-laws and see how they were doing.  We got to trade stories and update each other on what we were up to.

In past years, Sarah took care of making the Christmas cards and getting them sent out.  This is one of the many things that I have to take over.  I got some decent pictures of the kids at the pumpkin patch which I had made into cards.  I'm not looking forward to writing the letter that traditionally accompanies the cards.

We have always spent "Black Friday" at home setting up the Christmas decorations.  This year we  drove home from Shreveport first thing and when we got home we unpacked and started setting up the decorations.  Patrick set up the tree and hung some ornaments (which I redid later that evening).  Me and Clint set up the lights for the front yard.  There was a moment when we were hanging up the kids stockings that Clint realized that we wouldn't be including Sarah's this year.  This is only one of the many moments of sadness that will be mixed in with the joy of the holidays this year.

Banks and Bankers

The one silver lining to this entire experience is the fact that Sarah and I both had plenty of life insurance for exactly this situation.  I knew that as a pilot, there would be no way that I would be able to provide for (at the time) 3 kids as a single dad.  Because of the life insurance policy, what would have been financially disastrous is actually an opportunity.

Anytime a person receives a large windfall, there are many pressures and temptations for what to do with the money.  I have been an avid fan of Dave Ramsey and have heard him counsel many widows to do nothing for the first six months.  For the most part, that is what I have done.  Once the will was probated, and the insurance benefit was deposited, I suddenly had more money than I had ever seen in my life.  But I know that I have to make this money last for several years.I did indulge myself by trading in my old Suburban on a brand new model.  A few other smaller items like replacing the broken recliner, and a scuba rig for myself have been my only large purchases. 

Thankfully the process to probate a will in Texas is fairly straight forward process, and in Sarah's case didn't cost us too much in legal fees.   I also had to assemble documentation to apply for Social Security benefits for the children.  Despite my history of dealing with the federal government, this was remarkably painless. 

Sarah and I had been working with a financial advisor that we met when she was in residency.  I recently met with him and he recommended a very conservative set of annuities that would pay out enough to live on, but would not grow and would have no way to withdrawal the principle if I wanted to make a change.  I listened to his advice but decided that I wanted to pursue a more aggressive and flexible strategy.  He was really reluctant to work with me so we parted ways.

I am currently interviewing a new set of financial advisors who have assembled a strategy that is a lot more in line with what I was expecting, and will meet our needs for the future.  The best practice for dealing with the double wammy of personal grief and financial windfall is to go slow, take your time, and keep your budget in check.

Aniverseries

Yesterday was Sarah's birthday, she would have turned 39 years old.

I never had any trouble remembering Sarah's birthday because it came after the USMC birthday of Novemeber 10th, Veterans day of November 11th, and her birthday was Novmeber 12th.  We had just started dating when I asked her to the USMC Birthday Ball.

This was one of the first notable dates that reminded me how much we all miss her.  There will be many more over the next year, Thanksgiving, Christmas, more birthdays, our anniversary, and finally August 2nd will roll around again.  Each one will bring back wonderful and painful memories.

Sarah worked a lot of these holidays, so it's not unusual to celebrate Thanksgiving or a birthday without her.  It's not too much of a stretch to imagine that she is just down the road working her shift and will be home soon.  However, this year will be different because we all know that she is only with us in spirit.

The best way to deal with all this is to keep our focus forward on what is to come and living our lives in ways that will honor her.