The park rangers had reserved us a room at the park lodge. I helped David pack up the campsite and took the kids to where we could get some rest. Once the little boys hit the mattress, they fell sound asleep. Laura took a bath and lay down next to them, but she had trouble actually sleeping because she was thinking about what had happened.
I had the same problem as Laura, my mind was going non stop over what happened and what was going to happen in the days to come. I decided that given how many people on Facebook were messaging me, the quickest and simplest way to get the word out was to make a post with the bad news. I attached several pictures and included a brief synopsis of the circumstances of her death as I understood it at the time. I had no idea how far and wide this post would travel.
Shortly after I made my post, I saw a picture that my mother had taken of Clint an Patrick hugging and crying after my phone call. That's when I lost it and the tears came. I cried for about 30 minutes at the thought of my boys suffering so far away. I feel blessed that they were with my parents who love them so much.
The next morning, I was up as soon as there was enough light to see. I had to start making phone calls to Texas. As I stood on the walkway outside of the hotel room talking on the phone I saw a elk cow walking through the parking lot nibbling on the bushes. When Laura woke up a few minutes later, I brought her out and showed her the elk and two mule deer doe. That's when I turned around and saw the Grand Canyon for the first time since I was 10. In the first light of day it is truly spectacular. I was struck by the dichotomy of the canyon's beauty and the fact that it had taken Sarah from me.
One of the blessings through this ordeal is the fact that my responsibility to my children keeps me from dwelling on sadness or grief. The boy needed to be fed, the van needed to be packed, the campsite needed to be broken down, and my phone kept buzzing. David was a great help in all of this time, Linda watched the kids while David and I cleaned up the campsite. At this point I discovered that just because a loved one is dead, they can still aggravate you. I always hated how Sarah over packed for these trips and I hated the stupid bicycle trailer that no one ever used. I gave the bike trailer to the park rangers hoping they can put it to good use. I finally managed to get the van doors closed after throwing away a bunch of unused food, dirty dishes, and other junk.
Once we were all packed up, we headed to Flagstaff where we would meet Lawrence and make arrangements with the funeral home to care for Sarah's body. We ate lunch, meet with the mortuary, and found a playground to let the little boys have some fun. At this point I got a phone call from the funeral director who told me that the condition of my wife's body would mean that the funeral would have to be a closed casket. I felt bad because I thought the kids would need the closure of seeing their mother one last time, but this was not to be.
We met Lawrence, dropped off his rental car and hit the road. It was already late but I was anxious to get the kids home to familiar surroundings. We drove though the night, driving and sleeping in shifts. We crossed through Albuquerque in the middle of the night, ate breakfast in Amarillo, and pulled into our driveway just before noon. We were home, but the real journey was just beginning.
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