All summer, Clint had been asking to go to Main Event for some fun. I thought that the kids needed some chance to run and play before all the sad relatives started arriving. I went by and asked about reserving a "birthday party" package. When the manager heard about our situation, she comped us the deluxe package, including bowling, lazer tag, and the rope course. My in-laws, nieces and nephew came for some mediocre pizza and some fun. Instead of flowers, the staff gave us a sympathy bowling pin, at least it hasn't wilted and dried out over the past few weeks.
That afternoon, I got the older kids dressed and ready for the visitation at the funeral home. Our nanny would stay at home with the little boys, and the older kids would come with me to see all the relatives. Once we arrived, it all got real for Clint. Up to this point he had been able to think of all this as some kind of bad dream. He refused to enter the room where Sarah's casket lay. He later called it the "sad room". Eventually once there was a crowd of people he wandered in and out, but he never got close.
I had set up a slide show for the funeral which was playing, and I brought a bunch of Sarah's scrapbooks for people to look at. I was expecting a large crowd, but I was still amazed how many people were there. Patrick's teachers showed up all in matching school T shirts. I saw friends and relatives that I hadn't seen in over 10 years. After the visitation, I got to quickly visit with a few of my extended family at their hotel before returning home for the evening.
Saturday morning, I got everyone up fed and dressed and out the door. Sure enough, Clint and Patrick got in a fight in the backseat of the truck during the 10 minutes it took to drive to the church. After I broke up that conflict and arrived at the church. Clint was feeling particularly shy, and I showed him to the preschool room where the family would assemble. Patrick walked right into the sanctuary and claimed a seat. Sarah's mom has always had an odd blueish colorization of her face due to her bad heart, but today it was particularly bad, bad enough that the pastor pulled me aside to ask if she was going to be OK.
When we got everyone inside, I had to play double duty of being a bereaved husband, and entertaining a couple of toddlers. James was acting particularly fussy, so I nodded to Allie, our nanny, to have her pull him out of the service. Tom Black spoke about how he would remember Sarah, then Kristyn Ingram spoke about how Sarah had been there for her when they lost Annabelle. I don't know how Kristyn made it though her speech, but she did a wonderful job.
After the service was over, I spent the next hour visiting with all the friends and relatives that I hadn't spoken with the night before. We loaded up all the flowers and cards and returned to the house. I hung up the portrait that we had used at the service. I had asked my extended family to come over for a visit that afternoon at four. I ordered pizza and enjoyed visiting with Steve and Lindsey. After everyone had been here for an hour or so, the fatigue hit me hard and I started nodding off sitting up. Laura disappeared to stay overnight with her BFF Emily.
After everyone had gone home, and the house got quiet, the realization set in that for the rest of my time on Earth, Sarah would only exist in pictures and memories.
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