Over the Hill, in Heaven

Today is Sarah's 40th birthday.  

I wonder what it would be like to celebrate this milestone with her if she was still here.  We would have had a big party and lots of her friends and coworkers would have all been around to tease her about not being a kid anymore.

Last year this really snuck up on me and left me depressed for a day, but I was more ready for it this time around. The kids don't keep track of these dates closely enough to notice and I choose to let them go on about their lives as care free as possible.

I'm proud to say that the trees we planted in Sarah's memory are growing so there is a part of her that is still alive in addition to the memories that we hold in our hearts.

Year two

I've read in several books and articles that for those of us who have lost a loved one, the second year is actually the hardest.  Everyone else has moved on with their lives and expect you to have done the same.  However the gaping hole in your heart is still there, and the reality that it will never be filled starts to set in.

At this point I am several month past "year one" and into this difficult year where all the pain is still there but few understand how much I'm hurting inside.  The isolation and busyness of life as a single dad can be overwhelming at times and there isn't really anyone in my life that understands this.

I don't understand why God seems to want me isolated like this.  I never had many close friends growing up and it's nearly impossible to develop any kind of close relationship while being responsible for a small herd of children.  I gave the dating scene a try, but adding rejection on top of grief was just too much for me.

Some days I wish I was the Tin Man

Final resting place

One year after Sarah's death, we met to scatter her ashes and plant two trees in her memory.

Photo

Last year, Clint had the idea of of planting a tree in memory of Sarah.  I thought that we could scatter her ashes in the roots so that the tree would literally be growing from her remains.

Once we got back to Texas, we immediately started preparations for the gathering of all of the guests.
The house had to be cleaned, meals prepared, and I had to dig out one particularly stubborn stump.

I had been promising Laura that we could get a cat when we got back from our summer travels.  When we got back, we went to the local humane society and adopted "Frank Sinatra".

Who was renamed "Norbert"

Saturday when everyone began arriving, I saw many of Sarah's family that were able to come along with many of her friends.  We all enjoyed visiting and remembering Sarah.  Unfortunately, Sarah's younger brother couldn't get off of work to attend but we understood that his priorities were correct.

I had ordered two cherry trees to plant in her memory, but they didn't arrive until the literal last minute.  We scattered her ashes in the holes that were dug, and planted the trees on top.

Afterwards, we shared some cupcakes and ice cream and looked through scrapbooks of Sarah's time in college.  Once everyone headed home, the fatigue hit me hard and I spent the rest of the weekend just resting while watering the trees growing in Sarah's physical remains.

Oshkosh

One of the biggest airshows in the world is held every year in Oshkosh Wisconsin.

The Experimental Aircraft Association "Airventure" fly in brings 10,000 airplanes and close to 250,000 people to a sleepy corner of the midwest for one week every year.  We came in 2014 (Andrew too, although we didn't know it at the time) and spent 3 days exploring all the different airplanes and exciting displays.

I knew this year that we wanted to come back, but this time enjoy the creature comforts of having our home on wheels.  North Texas was in the midst of another heat wave with triple digit temperatures forecast over the following two weeks.  It took us two days to drive to Chicago but when we got there we enjoyed the mild weather.

We spent a day exploring Chicago including Navy Pier, the Children's museum and a boat tour of the Chicago river.  The guide explained many of the iconic buildings and their architecture and some of the history of the city.  That evening we met my cousin Stephanie and enjoyed some deep dish Chicago pizza.

The next day we drove up to Manitowoc Wisconsin where one of my USMC friends lives.  We cleaned up the trailer, did laundry, and got ready to camp out without being hooked up to water or electricity.  The kids had to run out to the end of the pier and look out over  Lake Michigan.  The day was rainy and cool but I wasn't about to complain considering the temperatures in Texas.  We went to the concert in a park where Aylssa played her violin which has earned her a scholarship.  Then we visited with Ron and Tonya over dinner.

The next day we explored the Manitowoc maritime museum and the USS Cobia submarine from WW2 before driving over to Oshkosh.  Once there we got set up and ready to explore the airshow.

The first day we wound up walking all over and meeting many people and seeing all the different displays.  I spoke to the guys at the Vans Aircraft tent about ordering the first stage of a RV-7 kit. We also visited the warbird section and saw the B-29 Doc.

When I got back to the trailer, the solar panel I had been counting on to recharge my batteries wasn't up to the task, so I got to invest in a portable generator.

The second day we visited the kids section where the kids enjoyed the hands on building aircraft projects.  Clint and Patrick managed to get separated and I had to start alerting security before they showed up.

The last day Laura was bored and asked to stay behind at the camper while I took the boys to the helicopter section.  Then we walked all the way back to the warbird section which is Clint's favorite (mine too).

The next day we left Oshkosh for the Wisconsin Dells resort area.  I had wanted to give the kids a chance to play and enjoy some fun activities after being patient and well behaved at the airshow.   Laura wanted to do the zip line but I wasn't able to accompany her and Patrick so they did the ropes course.

The next day we went to the water park, but the water was SUPER COLD.  I honestly wished I had brought my wet suit.  We ended the day at dinner.

We were finally on our way home via Iowa.  We stopped for a lunch break in Clear Lake where Buddy Holly's airplane crashed.  I took a little detour and visited the crash site.

Sunday was a short drive to Kansas City where I got to visit with my cousins, Kim, Shana, and Tami as well as their mom, my Aunt Diana.  There were a lot of kids running around.

The next day was a long drive home but we finally made it.