What was mommy like?

     A couple years after Sarah passed, we were visiting San Antonio and I was pointing out places where we had lived and explored when we lived there.  As I was driving away I had the sudden realization that all those stories would die with me and the kids wouldn't have any way to know what kind of person their mother was.  The scrapbooks, piles of pictures, and other memorabilia are great but need context to fill out  into a complete story.

    Andrew and James were too young to remember anything beyond the vaguest memories.  Patrick, Laura, and Clint remember her but they don't know anything about her early life, what her childhood was like, how she and I met, what our life was like before they were born, and what kind of person she was.    Those memories are an important part of what kind of person they will grow into.  

    So when I got back from that trip I decided to write Sarah's biography.  I would write out her life story as best I could and print it out on hard paper for them.  I took some diaries that Sarah had written where I could quote her directly, and solicited memories from people who had known her before to supplement my own recollections.  

    Once I had enough data I started writing out the story of her life.  Her early life I only had a few notes and my memories of what she had told me about her upbringing.  I'm sure that I didn't paint a full picture but I was able to give a basic outline of her first 20 years.  I had to be delicate about how much detail to include without upsetting her mother.  Sarah had a difficult relationship with her parents, her dad in particular.  Everything I knew bout the Springer family came from hearsay and I didn't see the upside to pissing off my in-laws, so I omitted some details.

    Once we got to Sept 1999, I was on more familiar territory pulling from my own memory.  I was writing the story manifestly from my own perspective, but I tried my best to include all the ups and downs of our early relationship.  It was a wonderful trip down memory lane full of funny stories, adventures, long times apart, and eventually a wedding.

    I chronicled the process of her admission and studies at Med School.  Her struggles matching into a residency, eventually completing her training as an Emergency Physician treating patients in the emergency room of the hospital.  She loved her job despite all the challenges that the chaos in the ER.

    At the end I did the best I could to recount the circumstances of her sudden and untimely passing.  I referenced the NPS report and what I learned from a couple of phone calls with the people involved and compiled a basic narrative of what happened.  This was a hard chapter to write, but I hope that knowing the details of what happened will help everyone heal.

    Once I was done, I had someone properly edit my poor grammar and had several hard copies printed up.  I gave one to all the kids with a lock of her hair tucked inside and a personal note written in the front cover.  I also gave hard copies to Sarah's parents, brothers, and some of the close friends.  I sent these out as Christmas gifts.

       One aspect of this project that I didn't anticipate was that working through this would put a lid on my grief process.   By the time I was done writing Sarah's story on paper I had a sense that my grief was now in remission.  My memories of Sarah were preserved for our kids to reflect on when they get older.